


Nice Legs, Daisy Dukes, Makes A Man Logical.

by childishinquiry



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 17:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2200938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childishinquiry/pseuds/childishinquiry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Response to a prompt for a Star Trek AU where everything is the same, except Spock wears Daisy Dukes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nice Legs, Daisy Dukes, Makes A Man Logical.

“Mister Spock—”

Spock looked up from the science station, still bent over the surveying equipment. He had long learned that Captain Kirk’s addresses to him on the bridge were very often not worth it. “Yes?”

The captain was…not looking at Spock’s face. “What are those?”

Spock followed the captain’s gaze to his posterior. “They are called ‘daisy dukes,’ Captain.”

“Yes, I know, I—I grew up in  _Iowa,_ Spock. I want to know why they are on  _you_.”

“I filled out an accommodation form with Starfleet, they are perfectly within the bounds of regulation code three-twelve—”

Kirk put up a hand. “Not the how, Spock, the why.”

“Oh.” Spock straightened at this one, and took an awkward moment to adjust the front of his shorts. He somehow managed to do it with dignity. “I have recently been in contact with some of my mother’s more extended relatives, who live in rural Canada. They have been filling me in on aspects of my mother's local culture. Out of respect for my mother’s heritage I have experimented in adopting certain of these cultural activities, including manners of dress. It is only scientific.”

“So…you’re wearing daisy dukes because your mother’s family wears them. Did they—did they tell you daisy dukes were a big thing, within their culture?”

“No. We chatted over video link; I merely observed their proclivity for this dress and researched. I attempted other aspects of rural Canadian culture, but until we return to Earth, I cannot visit a Tim Horton's.”

“So you do actually know they are worn almost entirely by women.”

“Yes. I thought it best to experiment with the social mores of both genders; I do consider myself primarily Vulcan, and on Vulcan gender is a cultural choice, rather than strictly applied to sex.”

“I—What? I mean, sure, that's fine, but how—Wait, no.” Kirk pointed at him. “We’re getting off the subject, which is that you are wearing booty shorts  _apparently approved by Starfleet.”_

Spock raised a brow. “Yes. Do you have an objection to this that Starfleet overlooked?”

Kirk could have said any number of things. That denim was perhaps not work appropriate. That  _they were booty shorts and that was not work appropriate._  That Spock had badly misapprehended the difference between what was cultural and what was fashionable. That Spock was showing off rather more leg than was dignified. But he decided, grinning rather widely, that he did not feel very inclined to explain. It would serve Starfleet right.

“No! No objections at all, Mister Spock. Please, continue scanning the asteroid belt.”

Spock, apparently pleased that he could get back to his work now, murmured a “yes sir” and bent back to his work.

Chekov took a picture.

—

Spock crouched next to Kirk behind the overturned table, one eye twitching slightly as he stooped enough that he would be hit by stray laser fire. For Spock, it was like a scream of pain.

“What is it, Spock, did you get hit?”

“No.” Spock looked away from Kirk, oh so casually scanning for exits. “It seems this cultural dress is…not suited for combat.”

“As well as diplomatic negotiations.”

“I was well within my rights to object to the ambassador’s advances. He should not have looked if he considered my appearance scandalous or inappropriate, and even if it were, that is by no means an invitation.”

“I agree, Spock. It was just unfortunate that the Brindari are so fixated on bare legs.” Kirk shot at random over the table, providing cover fire for Uhura. She raced over to them, and threw herself between Kirk and Spock.

Uhura was smiling at Spock. “How are the booty shorts treating you?”

“They seem to be causing many issues with others. Also, they are chafing.”

“Of course they are.” Uhura pulled on her skirt. “First rule of Earth-feminine clothing, Spock: sexualization is an inevitability.”

Spock nodded, absorbing this, and shot a Brindari running at them in the shoulder. The stun shot crumpled him forward onto the floor, and it looked like his distinctive Brindari nose would end up broken later.

“That particular Brindari asked me before the council what my 'price' was. In retrospect, I think I have divined his meaning.”

Kirk grinned. “I didn’t feel like making peace with the Brindari, anyway. They’ve always been assholes about the derillium trade. I’m going to recommend Starfleet cut ties. Do you concur, Spock?”

Spock shrugged. “It does not seem fair to the Brindari civilian population to recommend such a maneuver because their ambassadors have been…impolite.”

Uhura grinned suddenly. “Captain Kirk? Commander Spock? If I may make a suggestion?”

“Shoot.” Kirk shot down a large painting on the left side of the hall, allowing Uhura to stand and pick off a few Brindari that jumped out of its way.

“Commander Spock’s father and mother are ambassadors. As Vulcans and famous for their neutrality, they are often called in to oversee difficult negotiations. I think they might be amenable to helping...quell the ruckus that has been cause by Spock's appearance.”

Kirk cackled and high-fived Uhura. “Send in the parents! Nice.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “You imply that this would not go well for the Brindari.”

“I think if they plead for their lives, Sarek might be able to convince Amanda to spare them, yes. And he might even settle the whole derillium business while he’s at it.” A door on the far side of the hall broke in a hail of splinters, and a swarm of Brindari soldiers started flooding into the room. “Time to make a break for the shuttlecraft! Go go go!”

They ran, and Spock took point, even if he did start limping before they managed to race over the hill just past the delegation hall. As Kirk, Spock, and Uhura sped away into the sunshine, Kirk started laughing, and Uhura did, too.

"Smash the patriarchy!" Uhura cried.

Spock kneecapped a Brindari. "Indeed."

**Author's Note:**

> [Required listening for this fic.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDZX4ooRsWs)


End file.
